I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
PANTIES FOUND
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
