yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
