I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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