her vagine was all disorganized.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
