How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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