So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
