she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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