Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
