Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
