If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
