just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
