I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
