Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
