I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
