This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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