i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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