There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize