I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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