This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
