So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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