If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
