tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
