i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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