My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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