Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What drink are we having for lunch?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
