so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
