A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
