i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
