I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
