New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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