i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize