We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
