I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
