Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
