She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
