Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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