I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
