i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
