Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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