whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
