I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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