I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
