I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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