for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
