last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize