none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
