My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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