I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
