ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
