You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
