the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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