i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
