grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
