If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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