shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize