I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize