That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
