I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
