Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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