I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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