how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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